oh follie, holly!

the alice chase

2013-04-26T02:17:00.000+08:00

I find romance in Yū Aoi (Hana and Alice), Yu Fisher's photography/ Candy Rain, Lu-yi's fictional characters ; love in Nana(manga), Collage of Our Lives, The Little Mermaid, The Snow Queen.

the alice chase

2011-04-06T00:33:00.003+08:00

the white rabbit chases after time, alice chases after the white rabbit, i chase after alice.
time chases after me.

March

2011-03-20T00:08:00.005+08:00

Suddenly it is March (it is wrong of me to archive time as sudden, especially when I have observed how it slips by in a flurry). Perhaps I have not used all five senses going about life. Despite the entry being recorded 0008hrs, Sg time, I am in Houston, TX which is 13 hours behind. Traveling back and forth in time, sometimes I pass by the same hour twice; it is of a bit regret that I do not understand how to appreciate certain moments to the fullest until much later upon reflection.

Tokyo was cold. I hibernated despite being on holiday, train rides were long and the rainy mornings were early. It snowed the day we departed from Narita Airport. Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood was screening in the system but I willed myself not to watch, preferring to leave the text as imaginary illustration instead of chosen faces picked by a casting director.

I regret not throwing a snow ball at you, just once would have made a nice memory. 9th Mar, Japan received a 7.2 magnitude foreshock, followed by the main earthquake on 11th Mar. 7th Mar, we headed for home. Deep down I know you would try the hardest to bring us to safe grounds if the earthquake had wanted us. You work the hardest, always. For that I fell in love, and in love with you.

2011-03-05T21:03:00.002+08:00

Who are we anyway?

Mayday in October skies

2010-10-03T21:30:00.007+08:00

The last hours on Friday evenings are the longest, while come Sunday evenings I begin to dread Monday mornings (unless it is a holiday). I am not a frank person and have begun to rely on a facade of smiles. Even if it comes across awkward, it acts as my defensive mechanism. Class has been, unforgiving.

Winter approaches London, I miss freedom. Osaka summer breeze, Czech town square. Clear skies in Wonderland right now Alice, halcyon days ahead.

We are all robots

2010-08-29T12:51:00.007+08:00

September is around the corner, and I am three weeks into training. It's been a month since the adventure in Kansai, a distant memory to be kept away. Ahead is a written programme where instructions have been detailed out on how to behave, react and serve. The intensity is quite expected, the standards spell 'accountability' for every mistake. Watching yourself as a clone in an army isn't exclusive, my ability to adapt a tad slow.

The human side of things, there are places;people I miss, memories reviewed for recollection. The attic is in the midst of change.

∞

2010-08-11T00:31:00.001+08:00

paradox love infinity

Neverland

2010-07-18T05:03:00.007+08:00

5.03am, July 18

My drafts have been short, words too few to construct an entry properly. It is July, 2 months and say, 5 days til I turn 23. Not particularly a novelty, age assumes its own responsibilities and eventually this frustrating need to grow up suffocates all options to be free. A madcap adventure (?) awaits me, impulsive as it seems, I believe (1) it is something I need to achieve - before assuming the much coveted profession which has left me unsure what to think of it. It might be an unconscious effort to escape, the undoubted human characteristic innate - a very coward thing to do. The need to glorify as seen in eg. (1) perhaps to retrieve some lost pride/some sort of redeeming excuse including the need to babble about much coveted job.

I tire of my faults. No Peter Pan, in Neverland, I didn't know once I grow up, I can never come back. Was it never? Never ever, ever ever.

You

2010-06-04T11:37:00.005+08:00

There is a beautiful photograph of you sleeping on the seat next to the window in the train. The sunlight hits your neck and your face partially, outlining soft silhouettes. Photographs bring you closer, and sometimes further.
(But it's still you.)
Beautiful, just like memories.

The Sixth Station

2010-04-14T04:14:00.003+08:00

“Sudden Wholeness”
Jalaluddin Rumi

A thousand half loves
must be forsaken to take
one whole heart home.

translated by Coleman Barks

goodnight; thank you

Explosions in the Sky

2010-04-13T09:17:00.008+08:00

(via fuckyeahtattoos; giulianna)

Hong Kong's a busy city. The weather was cold. Everyday one Ghibli movie was featured. Everyday I walk with an empty head, following blindly because it is all unfamiliar and very busy. I delight in its desserts and wanton noodles. I take photographs of love instead because. Just because.

I want my words to regurgitate like vomit instead of unreliable faltering courage. "hello, hi! how's your day?" like neighbours or simply a child's surpassing cheerfulness. I miss poetry; writing in general (Insert - eloquence not an instilled forte).

"Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom; blood stops running and people, people fade away. There's more I have to say, so much more... But, I disappeared.""
- Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy, Season 3; Episode 16)

I do not watch Grey's often, in fact I only watch it if it comes up on television. My favourite episode is Drowning on Dry Land. Cristina is anxious; Meredith falls; the world is busy and a little girl is lost. To be honest, I do not know your favourite episodes, your current loves; what surrounds you. The music you like, which pair of headphones you use; your favourite tee.

To put my heart at ease, I try to recall memories - what I have of you.
Depp, ESOTSM, Grey's, Dengeki Daisy. I imagine to meet up and get all awkward. Or a coincidence in Kinokuniya which never happens. Those ever possible possibilities.

Your Hand in Mine on repeat.

Apathy

2010-03-23T00:00:00.002+08:00

Pity-party misery indulge me. This frittering apathy drums endlessly in my head.

Carpe diem

2010-02-22T15:59:00.003+08:00

This year, Chinese New Year passed by rather quietly. I drifted in and out of gatherings, had my fill of quietude and now it's back to work. Despite consciously knowing time passes too quickly, I continue meandering in procrastination. Carpe diem! ; All the unnecessary speculation about everything and nothing, without an ounce of curiosity and inducing unease, begone so that we may see prettier skies.

the alice chase ; halcyon days

Rabbit-hearted

2010-02-06T13:49:00.008+08:00

These hands do not fit -
They crush. They grip.
They pinch,
and finally they let go.

The isolated drafts in my blog mock me to pulp.

After working for two straight weeks, feels good to recover some hp, unwind and meet up old friends - through coincidence or not.

Made a couple of goals to acquire (lest to use the word achieve sounds too grand). There's a lot of talk about marriage and resignation within the workplace recently. It's been a solid year of stable income and I hope for more job security and staff welfare. (Fat hoping?) Hahahahaha, sheesh. Nevertheless, I am looking for options despite my bond... just in case.

Re-reading Kimi Ni Todoke makes me wish for a more clean-cut personality. (Or for lack of better vocabulary, to be more honest yet modest.) It feels so easy to put feelings into the character's shoes (Friendship in manga; the unfolding of consequences in a number of pages). Envy the gentle Sawako for her genuine naivety and shyness. Despite telling myself not to jump into conclusions, I cannot help but make assumptions. This is due to anxious human nature, so... would that make it okay?

Took me an hour and a half to post this, sheesh* fail.

Yours

2009-12-18T11:21:00.001+08:00

I know all the honey lemons in the world do not taste as good as yours.

Flower on the Precipice

2009-12-17T16:18:00.005+08:00

title reference: Flower on the Precipice

With the new year approaching, I reflected a little during a bejeweled game. Love has been working hard on his dream while I, on the other hand, am impassive and on the verge of boredom with the slow update of manga titles. Couple that up with the upcoming trip of shifts amounting to more than twelve hours each, my mood has been significantly dampened for the whole month of December.

New year resolutions are not compulsory and therefore I have not made any and am not planning to do so (and just as I finished the sentence, I thought about saving up for holidays, sheesh). My affair with money is... scandalous (up to reader's digression).

I have written a fair share of honest entries this year including this one instead of the usual prose due to a lack of inspiration; speaking of which, I also have far neglected my pen-friend in the US. Christmas gifts are problematic as I search for practicality. Relationships... precarious, I've become too careful and awkward; I have had no idea I would turn out this way when I was seven.

Despite all the above negativity, my nonchalant attitude speaks for itself. Perhaps I have failed to love myself? Yes life, the answer could possibly be that I must have grown up.

2009-12-10T11:36:00.001+08:00

Must work harder, must love harder.

Earth

2009-12-06T14:47:00.004+08:00

It is December, I should have some sort of reality check before the new year sets in.

Out there, somewhere

2009-10-26T23:08:00.002+08:00

One day I would like to party like mad, drink lots of alcohol, scream all I want. Before I become tame.

tame

2009-10-25T22:05:00.003+08:00

"No," said the little prince.
"I am looking for friends.
What does that mean to tame?"

"It is an act too often neglected,"
said the fox.
"It means to establish ties."

- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery, 1943

It is also the mad hatter's dream, to be tamed.
And so it is, November is on her way.

Days

2009-10-21T00:37:00.006+08:00

I miss school, and part of it;

The long bus rides, a past experience of sleeping on a female stranger's shoulder, knocking my head against windows on bumpy bus rides, the last minute revisions... and last but not least missing my bus stop.

I have a friend who has been encouraging me to write all these years. I do not have a flair for the language and practice has become dull. Past written fiction have beginnings, yet I've given no endings because ...just because. Endings are definitely harder, right?

On side note, Fisher and Paykel washing machine impressed me.

Counteraction

2009-10-15T12:46:00.005+08:00

hello you, for being away and quiet for so long; what is it that you have to say? the recent grey and rainy days content my subdued psyche; to pin for something reckless is a counteraction and seems undesired for among loved ones and even to my basic moralities. So I shall continue to keep quiet because the time is not ripe.

hello

2009-10-03T01:29:00.002+08:00

hello trust
hello friendship
hello faith
hello love

here is goodbye.

You are Alice

2009-09-05T11:55:00.000+08:00

This is Alice with her cheap love.
I am Alice.

dirt

2009-09-05T09:58:00.004+08:00

i dont want to be a messy lover.

we dig dirt deeper with cheap spades
Peter Pan lives in denial; Rumpelstiltskin loses his name game
Rapunzel suffers from Stockholm,
We have kings who promise their daughters for saviors
Is there nothing better to offer?
(look: The Twelve Dancing Princesses, The Nutcracker)

I vaguely remember a Jack-in-the-Box in The Nutcracker, but it seems that i am wrong.
I was sure September would seem daisier; it is random with an assortment of knots.
You apologize, it's dawn; I wake up feeling weary.

disguise

2009-08-24T13:54:00.004+08:00

Amidst the silence, you're a disguise of my tomorrow.

August

2009-08-02T01:45:00.006+08:00

July ended in bad taste, bringing resent into August. Work has left me quite empty, I sincerely wish for a holiday - nothing too sunny or cold. As for now, let me mull over the fact that I need a hobby to keep myself busy; not manga. Much less to say about the usual hangouts, shops close by 9pm and clubs are just... let's just say I'm not too adventurous (though I wouldn't mind an invitation from close friends). Sheesh, it's the weekend and my world seems to be ending.

Hello tomorrow.

On hindsight, maybe I should churn out a 1500 word essay with the main topic as "Rude passengers who do not keep their luggage under seats deserve their just desserts should turbulence occurs. Discuss."

alice blue

2009-07-30T08:42:00.000+08:00

July has just been painted with light strokes of silvery gold over a vague ensemble of gray, blue and off-white.

Grey's

2009-07-27T16:35:00.000+08:00

"We’re friends, real friends, and that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally decide to look back, I’ll be here."
- Grey’s Anatomy (via littlemiss) (via brokenmachine)(via youmakemewannashout)

Opportunity

2009-07-17T13:47:00.001+08:00

Pete Murray & John Mayer perform "Opportunity" live at the ARIA awards

Map to Wonderland

2009-07-13T13:09:00.004+08:00

'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Deja vu

2009-07-09T15:53:00.006+08:00

meme; graniph.

b. Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain; Yann Tiersen.
This morning before I woke up, I dreamt of you. (and strangely, with a pair of big black plastic specs)
In school, we droned on homework, made fun of films and Chandler. Ogled at Des Wee, doodled on notebooks, stayed up late and wondered about the future.
deus.èx.machina, magic
I miss you, thank you.

Raymond Dufayel:
Go to the bedroom, Miss Poulain.
So, my little Amélie,
You don't have bones of glass.
You can take life's knocks.
If you let this opportunity slip away,
eventually,
your heart will become as dry and brittle as my bones.
So, go get him, for Pete's sake!

Sleepless

2009-07-09T03:50:00.000+08:00

Defeated by caffeine.

Change

2009-07-09T01:18:00.003+08:00

a.
The days have become quiet, I have been preoccupied with work. Writing has been stringent, I have little to say. Recent dreams and memories wear me down, these should have long expired nevertheless they come back to haunt. Hello, fuck you, screams the split personality. I am tired, angry at the world, disappointed mostly at myself. Lines running in my head, drafts improvised and recycled. "Did you realize all I could give you that time was my honesty?"

At the end of the day, it speaks for itself. I am hopeless and need much help.
543

b.
Thank you.

c.
How are you?

Thought

2009-06-26T00:33:00.002+08:00

I have grown up to be a sad person.

room 707

2009-06-25T02:56:00.001+08:00

I will wait.

Tea

2009-06-15T21:37:00.002+08:00

sometimes when we keep quiet;
our tea turns cold.
our tea turns cold;
because we keep quiet -

while i watch you breathe out in the cold.

Goodbye

2009-04-27T18:13:00.002+08:00

There are many things I want (and want to do) - Buy tins of chocolate powder at six dollars each, selling each cup of hot chocolate I make six dollars each, become a lesbian, shoot nude photography, sue people and make some money, have unneccessary atttention ; the list goes on.

I used to want to - be a lesbian, a principal of an orphanage, write more scripts, save the world. Well, you see how time changes people.

Heading to Australia is some sort of escapism for this week.

comfort

2009-04-24T23:23:00.002+08:00

I am miserable to the point I want any comfort food. Coming home today feels like it's been a chore.

fiction

2009-04-24T08:03:00.003+08:00

One does not need to be schizophrenic to believe in fictional characters. They linger around, representations of familiar faces. Still, Nana Osaki is not you.

These days, I wake up to unfamiliar settings - a different bed, the toilet tiles, view from the window... The same routine happens - (I sleep some more) brush my teeth, wash up and boil some water to make hot chocolate. The television is switched on, usually it's the morning news - It's good to have some noise when you're alone. This way, you don't think much; media eats you up and you follow the ways of the world.

chapter 81, page 28

2009-03-18T01:46:00.003+08:00

room 707

a state of love that we cannot bring ourselves to believe in
an awkward silence in the shade of gray, the pauses were white
it starts off as a stutter; there's a word -- note: the eyes

now, mail becomes unwritten when there is so much to say.
yes, awkward is a shade of gray.

luna

2009-02-26T00:47:00.004+08:00

today i became a gift-wrapped walking time bomb, you hear the tics but you never see the time.
i'm telling you the red wire will not trigger, definitely. I must be sick, to wear you out like that. Self medicate your m&ms.

luna is a lunatic.

tea

2009-02-25T02:25:00.003+08:00

we would have liked to spend our days quietly, sipping hot tea, complaining it burnt the tip of tongue and eventually laughed it off.

clockwork

2009-02-17T04:01:00.002+08:00

in notebooks, we scribbled and made fun of love
journals, we left them as they were.

'"They say that nameless things change constantly - that names fix them in place like pins. But without a name, a thing isn't quite real either. Maybe you're not a real thing."' - Holly Black, Ironside, Chapter 8, Page 188

it doesn't have to be a loud big bang
each tap a piano key, somewhat a chime
a dose of sea, stardust, glue and the random quietness
anklet charms and of want.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

2009-02-15T04:14:00.004+08:00

sometimes alice is you
the make believe alice is me
sometimes sarah is.

This was now is lost, a douse of salt
familiarity is a fleet of firsts, same for love.
similarity; a lingering second, only to find thirds
fourth, definition made common by humanity

air is often taken for granted

happenstance

2009-02-13T19:11:00.002+08:00

have you forgiven me?
i would like to know where's the restart button, right from day one.
nana chapter 30, page 2

happenstance, june

2009-02-11T04:03:00.005+08:00

although it's neither here nor there, i am glad you're still here.
it's a lot quieter, something went awry, i wonder if you remember me the same way i do you.

Attic

2009-02-08T02:04:00.004+08:00

Sorry, that canister of film that I left unfinished.

air

2009-02-06T02:22:00.002+08:00

word muse for now:
vague void volatile velvet

it's like kneading dough, unpredictable and shapeless.

cafe

2009-02-03T00:51:00.002+08:00

the caterpillar is a pillar and a cat
the elephant is a type of ant
ice cream is a type of cream and ice.
coffee is a type of fee

*infinite, helloxlove.

Mannequin

2009-01-27T02:04:00.001+08:00

A mannequin shop sells their toys. Old and new.
Here's the flavor of the month:
vanilla.

ambiguity

2009-01-24T03:39:00.002+08:00

it is you - the girl with the bambi eyes, i miss you.

constellation

2009-01-23T02:21:00.004+08:00

these ragged lines like bed hair outline your softness
a constellation trace, these dots on your face all the way to hands

this is a blog of selfish reasons. There are youths out there who take the bus past midnight for the rides, a cyclist who cannot find his way; she finds her button nose too big, her face a little old for her age. how crazy, this tea feeds ecstasy, wired in artery.

our world may be a giant hologram
thanks love.

the ideal alice

2009-01-21T13:23:00.003+08:00

i'm craving for a slice of yummy cake now.

the ideal alice sips tea and listens to symphonies.
she ties her hair into a bun and accidentally leaves out a lock of hair.
Her hair is testimonial to her life.

Quietly this excitement morphs into hesitation. It would be good to get away for a while (under self-conviction), ease my smothered heart with caffeine and sugar. My perception of life and the world in general has been simple enough - trust, hope and love (often figurative). My heroes are manga characters who believe in these 3 motifs, unwavering and undaunted - as such, there's naruto, orihime and luffy. Reminiscence comes in form of Spirited Away, all that broken remainder pieces of love wrapped and repackaged for the unknown future. A penpal, a stranger; all the coincidences in life.

dust

2009-01-06T05:07:00.004+08:00

i collect dust and someday i might just drink water like how we breathe air

atomic

2009-01-02T03:11:00.004+08:00

The signing of a contract does not pull me back to earth suddenly, perhaps when training officially starts and the first trip to the airport in uniform will. I have longed to leave this madhouse to its self-destruct antics and was just a signature away from it all along. I cannot and can never save this situation, I do not (want to) give a damn. Despite this, I know I would eventually contradict myself and succumb to it all - Blood is after all, still thicker than water.

I am not saying I do not love its patients, myself included. The most careless, carefree part-fool, part-daydreamer able to escape most of its jailbreaks, leaving the rest to bear the brunt is me. The second and third bait, fourth and fifth sponges. I am sorry I do not know how to take responsibility for the state of the madhouse, because all I do is run away and complain. I love you i love you i love you and you. Sometimes the other two, it depends heavily how quiet the madhouse is.

Still, the thought of these screams ring in my head, sometimes to the point I cannot remember one good memory. I'm sure it's the same for all of you too. I know words in my head I have not said, these repeat in my head in many ways of 'Why', 'What', 'Who', 'How', 'When' and 'Where'. I am suspicious of people who get too close to the madhouse's patients, for even outside the madhouse lies beasts, traps, liars and hypocrites who feed on wounds. If you did understand all I have said, hello to 2oo9.. it might not be the last madhouse blood-riot, I have to get all of you out of here soon. (Where? ...somewhere quiet)

There's no need to understand anything in this situation, take and run.
God forgive me, I am tired too.

2008-12-30T22:37:00.003+08:00

your feet curl in the shape of kidney beans when you fall asleep
misinterpreted, ingenuity has positioned you as an angel on sale

dirt

2008-12-14T02:24:00.004+08:00

this is the pout that has been glazed with dirt
perhaps that cartridge was left unfinished for a reason
oh! hello december, i almost forgot to notice you.

malfunction

2008-12-08T01:24:00.003+08:00

this veil of lace does not cover my grin but lest it shades the windows to my soul

metaphor

2008-12-08T01:09:00.003+08:00

john mayer makes the world sound like an open wide sky.
infinite, starry and then there would be this blackout where we all learn to appreciate everything suddenly. so it's hello december the eighth, you might want to clear up my tab at the bartender's.

Eyes

2008-12-04T09:17:00.004+08:00

give me your daisies, they're a symbol of your love which i have been coveting. Familiarity has been foreign in my face and it's getting weary. Other than feeling lost, I tire of looking at people in the eye. November was loud, an explosion of fireworks; some sort of color spill; unlike a pinata a balloon burst probably more appropriate; would have liked to get a great yell out of my lungs. To a quiet December, cheers.

delete

如果

2008-12-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

if - a sort of fruit

RED

2008-12-02T17:29:00.001+08:00

Your nail polish stains the bedsheets cause you never cared for it to dry. There are dreamers who live by the guitar.

2008-12-01T15:45:00.001+08:00

All your characters meet at some point of time in your story.
Is there a reason? (No.) Do you have a favourite, they ask.
It stumps you.
Is there a plan? (No.)

hate

2008-11-28T01:12:00.003+08:00

on days that are mundane, we begin wondering where do we belong
sometimes it just doesn't make sense to stay here for too long, we go crazy
rather than being human, be fiction

gold

2008-11-27T14:42:00.002+08:00

we watch a fish struggle for life so as to exact revenge on those we cannot
a goldfish doesn't remember but we do, so do we.

2008-11-19T12:22:00.003+08:00

on days when i am not conscious of you, i might have a chance at living.

loud

2008-11-06T14:56:00.005+08:00

i would like to be a residential experiment in the asylum thus i am writing in for the position. Attached are my resume and contact details. Hiding while waiting is sometimes tiring. It is the wait that keeps your feet on their toes. They say, "Do not worry" so we crow and we crow til the buzz in our head drowns out. i'm at a loss. i lost hope, i'm a lost cause, i've lost. i'm lost. I'm pretty good at forgetting, I woke up yesterday morning and realized you amaze me; your capacity of love that is.

the guilty are not charged in the madhouse.
daydreamers are sinners too.

blame

2008-11-04T14:46:00.002+08:00

in the madhouse there are lovers,
scapegoats, bait, daydreamers, corrupted and innocents
the wardens have poison on their lips, serpent tongues and reptile eyes
the mail box is full on thursdays, instructions for the cook
there are astronauts waiting to take over the moon
we blame these fools, condemn and out of conceit
the asylum's open, visiting hours only on the thirteenth hour

2008-11-02T22:18:00.004+08:00

hanging dirty lingerie out in public
喜欢捉迷藏

貓

2008-10-31T13:26:00.001+08:00

here's my spine for your guitar's neck.
Feel free to choke

mono discrepancy

2008-10-12T21:23:00.003+08:00

we misinterpret the monotones
your ribs give a dull note
we'll play with your hair, note the eyes
the rest are mine.

mono frequency

我不是娜娜

2008-10-08T23:28:00.001+08:00

Her hair in our kisses was cut off the following winter
She said she liked the chill on her neck, the sun on her back in the afternoon

October is a humid month...

2.29 - 3.00

2008-10-08T02:18:00.003+08:00

there is laundry in the cellar we do not want to touch
wine in the wash for their stains are not dry
a strip of love cemented in these walls while the bricks are cracked and falling apart
this is a fossil, we do not understand it nor question for it has become a fact
not fiction

i am no gladiator so i cannot wear gladiator sandals
nor a dorothy, so i cannot wear dorothy perkins

butson cummings erlichman gottlieb russell yeats
rainy days courier of love

primary

2008-10-02T12:34:00.001+08:00

love is a secondary word

sasha

2008-10-02T00:25:00.003+08:00

nana, i miss you
the mannequin loses its head, and who's to blame?
while the cat sleeps, she threads softly so that it does not miss her
the madder only has apple tea and tiramisu to offer
on rainy days

23

2008-09-20T12:52:00.003+08:00

i wants graniph shirt! pull&bear sicko19 jeans! wants wants wants~
yufisher's candy rain photobook please!
in love with green

thank you mum for the lovely necklace.

2008-09-20T11:06:00.002+08:00

these words have been erased, deleted and repeated
morse code becomes a lullaby
frisky, we can't put a face to her back
elevation, curiosity spends her days tired and old
you are slow to dawn, day has his eyes on the moon

heading to bangkok with boss
see you in a week's time, maybe

braille

2008-09-17T22:03:00.003+08:00

our tongues are cheap
like braille we trace skin, in hope to make up for sight
i find you haggling
"daisies for your love madam, daisies for your love."
that pout does not belong to you
these lips for another
apples for your lilies;

on humid days she ties her hair up
you see her rabbit shaped ears, neck and chest
up for sale

trick

2008-09-15T23:55:00.005+08:00

we perform tricks on each other as though we're magicians
but we do not have cards up our sleeves
these imp-like actions, we criticize and fall apart
there's a broken down radio transmission in the far corner of your room
out your window - the world

i am a shoujo robot on auto-pilot
chasing white rabbits in alice's wonderland in a maze for two
i am alice, the red queen, the cheshire cat, the flower on the precipice
i'm all pretence anyway

once i met a robot

vulgar

2008-09-10T01:47:00.003+08:00

a half hearted day
fuck words such as heartbroken and love that are so cliche
yet i have no other descriptive words for Joyce
yes Joyce no Joyce, Joyce Joyce Joyce Joyce Joyce
i hate that name.

vulgar
consider fuck = sex, i must have been shouting "SEX!" "SEX!" "SEX!" yesterday afternoon
my drafts are beginning to look like that too. fuck

goodnight.

cigarettes and milk

2008-09-05T21:15:00.003+08:00

a carton of milk expires on my birthday
same to my twentieth year of resolutions
a cigarette to commemorate history
it burnt the hem of my dress, i will never light it again.

3.18 - 3.23

2008-09-05T03:02:00.004+08:00

an apple lies about her blood being red
while eyes closed, she dreams of another
a cat dies on her thirteenth life
she sleeps through car lights and fluorescent
love becomes fiction, is was are were made no sense
these are the stripes i walked in, draped over my chest
we breathe out these clouds, sigh a little and say goodbye
grow up and seed wisdom in your head, little girl
albeit fiction was love and love was fiction, we made love non-existent
meltdown and scraped knees, elbows; tears on cheeks
we scream we want infinity, we will never make it.

i hope you're happy, pomegranate seeds and Persephone.

2008-09-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

A jester spends her days laughing.

pomegranate

2008-09-02T00:04:00.004+08:00

everyone wants to save a damsel in distress
persephone ate the bleeding pomegranate
one day i was a boy

wonder

2008-08-28T13:14:00.002+08:00

i wonder what was the value of your love

2008-08-27T02:48:00.002+08:00

it's like saying, oh okay here's your consolation prize.
haa-hahahaha

september

2008-08-18T14:40:00.004+08:00

hello August,
the skies have been ugly, they do not speak of the vulnerability you promised
we wipe chalk off this board and these chipped nail polish on my fingers will eventually wear off
toothpaste still tastes the same and so does my cooking
my eyes have been dull and i do not make wishes anymore
we take sides in the maze that meets no end and drop gingerbread crumbs (i can see those on your lips)
here are my keys to the piano and the map from tracing all these necks and collarbones

we sink lower into September

drift

2008-08-18T00:02:00.005+08:00

i like how sarah clasps her bra over two locks of hair
eventually it will be history

soar

2008-07-27T16:28:00.002+08:00

breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe

think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

i have no idea what i am doing in life

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

daydream

2008-06-08T23:38:00.005+08:00

we have names we refuse to believe in
so tie your hair around your neck like a collar, sarah
and leave it to splinter
the tip of your lower lip
the daydream begins and ends on a major G.

someone out there is crying for you
why do you look so heartbroken for, sarah

gymnopedie

2008-06-07T02:44:00.006+08:00

hands and fingertips
the curve of fingernails
tracing necks and collarbones over and over and over again
one by one i'll draw them all
the arch of eyelids
the lower lip
red; knuckles, bones and ankles

ears
hollow hello hello hello i repeat all over again
your name? do i know you? hello hello hello we sing as we blink a different shade of blue we tap these fingers on paper and cellophane walls we forget to take the kettle out of its pot hello we blink as we sing a different shade of green lower lip and teeth tongue to cheek crinkle at grin

the alice i knew

2008-03-02T16:54:00.002+08:00

let's go on to number 2
we make a curtsy, a taunt and a tort
the alice i knew was raven haired and fair faced
pout lipped and siamese eyed
you aint no alice, my doll in the glass paned shop

an alice in wonderland's maze for two

2008-01-28T01:15:00.002+08:00

my white rabbit chase around the maze
down the tunnel, we see no light
an underground merry-go-round
in and out the maze we go, lost the hare and lost some hope
tears run dry, oh dear alice we have to go
goodbye tomorrow, we'll swim gaily in our own messes and puddles
with hatters and soldiers, painted roses and magic potions
all in our worn out shoes and dirty coat dresses

goodbye today, we'll wake up in wonderland
we'll see forever and ever in our hands
dirt-smudged a little imperfect
it's okay we say we'll go this way
hansel and gretel and these little bread crumbs

we're up to mischief, says she

2008-01-13T02:11:00.004+08:00

i remember you
the one that smiled a million times for me
the one that laughed a throaty chorus of stars
eyes like bambi, a toast we screamed forever and ever
i like you the song that sang a pitch too high
they screamed over and over again for us to be together
we held on we ran, the bus dash from the gates
the great leap over the puddle, a peppermint chocolate stick
i want you, i forgot we cannot speak
of us, and we, perhaps oh maybe frosting on our lips
i forgot you the one with shiny black hair and hands for him

2007-09-15T03:45:00.001+08:00

i'm sorry i dont know what to say
"how was your day?" seems too simple
i'll try again someday

how was your day?

2007-06-14T23:56:00.000+08:00

i forgot

is that alright with you, asks lisa hannigan

2007-04-08T16:25:00.000+08:00

it's not that i dont want to write down the events that i've been with you
cause reliving it, then knowing you had fun outside me
it feels painful and tight around the heart
that's how selfish i am

then i rather forget but sometimes it comes back to me like a balloon
deflated but it's there, a dull rush of air

or you could say it's like a blown up balloon which might pop any moment
not knowing when hurts even more

but do you know the feeling you get when you dont know when it's going to happen
then it happens and you dont feel like you should feel
the excitement of it goes below the 100% you ought to give?

goes with my theory of preparing beforehand, not to expect much or you'll be disappointed, apparently it works the other way round too

and if you (i), the reader am thinking what happened, nope no particular event happened

watch "BEAUTIFUL LIFE" for quotes though

blackmail

2007-03-30T17:09:00.000+08:00

i'm an angry girl hatred jealousy envy blood blood blood all in my dictionary bleed bleed bleed for me i miss you the voice in my head says die die die wait till i feel so empty and broken that i'm beyond your attempts to save whatever you have used against me blackmail chain me sweet to that corner an asylum i've always wanted to the madhouse i say to the madhouse.

all my favourite words in my vocabulary

peekaboo games

2007-03-30T01:12:00.000+08:00

this blood is not like the usual ones you play with
he lets the red slip through his fingers
sweet sweet red

she forgets

yes i do love you, they lie