atomic

The signing of a contract does not pull me back to earth suddenly, perhaps when training officially starts and the first trip to the airport in uniform will. I have longed to leave this madhouse to its self-destruct antics and was just a signature away from it all along. I cannot and can never save this situation, I do not (want to) give a damn. Despite this, I know I would eventually contradict myself and succumb to it all - Blood is after all, still thicker than water.

I am not saying I do not love its patients, myself included. The most careless, carefree part-fool, part-daydreamer able to escape most of its jailbreaks, leaving the rest to bear the brunt is me. The second and third bait, fourth and fifth sponges. I am sorry I do not know how to take responsibility for the state of the madhouse, because all I do is run away and complain. I love you i love you i love you and you. Sometimes the other two, it depends heavily how quiet the madhouse is.

Still, the thought of these screams ring in my head, sometimes to the point I cannot remember one good memory. I'm sure it's the same for all of you too. I know words in my head I have not said, these repeat in my head in many ways of 'Why', 'What', 'Who', 'How', 'When' and 'Where'. I am suspicious of people who get too close to the madhouse's patients, for even outside the madhouse lies beasts, traps, liars and hypocrites who feed on wounds. If you did understand all I have said, hello to 2oo9.. it might not be the last madhouse blood-riot, I have to get all of you out of here soon. (Where? ...somewhere quiet)

There's no need to understand anything in this situation, take and run.
God forgive me, I am tired too.